I Wanna be Your Girlfriend
by Kianang
Summary: Ah, high school, that thing you love to hate... stalkers... fickle girls... split ends... drag queens... homework... oh yeah, stalkers... Just so you know, Sai hates it too.


Disclaimer: If I owned FY I wouldn't be writing crap like this. I'd be writing much better, tastier, well thought out, pretty, delicious, yummy yummy hot boy crap. Bishie-crap is the best kind there is, you know.

Author's Notes: This is another UP YOURS FORMAL ENGLISH piece. I made it out of high school, and now I get to mock it. Yes, this is one of those seishi-in-American-high-school pieces. Yes, I hate those. The sad thing is, this was inspired by something that happened to a friend of mine. Actually, several somethings to several friends. Oh, and a shout out to all those who make up crappy garbled versions of in-series names for reincarnations! I feel for you! And please don't take offense if I do (or make characters do) rather stupid things. And if anyone takes offense at Stalker Boy I'll just laugh and laugh at your stupidity and tell you that gay guys are some of the funnest people I know.

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I Wanna be Your Girlfriend

All in all, things were going great for Sai Seishu. First of all, he had a great date for prom. She was a marvelous dancer, a funny conversationalist, and rather sweet, if a bit of a spaz. He paid for her ticket, all $70, and tried to pitch in for her dress too, but she refused. Finally, a girl who wasn't in it for the money! Yes, Miaka Yuuki was a keeper.

And best of all, he was able to use her as a reason to turn down his stalker for gay prom! You know, that freaky one with the purple hair and emo glasses who follows him around like a lost puppy. Yes, that one. With the braid. Yep. Sai only wished he had hair that good. But he would never admit it! He didn't pay $120 for a full treatment to have subpar hair. After all, he couldn't go out with someone who looked better than he did! Heavens no! Miaka's cute and all, but she don't got the hair! Seriously! Look at those split ends. And her hair is so short! Come on. Who's got the hair?! Sai's got the hair!

Ahem. Anyway. Miaka gave Sai a reason to turn Purple Stalker Boy down. That'll show him to stop following him to work every day to flirt! See this, Stalker Boy? It's a girl! I'm straight! And I'm going to prom with her! Lookit! Female! Boobies! Whoo! Sucks to be you! And you can stop asking me out to the movies, too!

Score one for the Sai team!

And there was even better news. When he got called for the door prize at prom, they did not call for a "shiny shoe" or any variation of "sushi!" Victory, certainly. And his mother did not do a full background check on Miaka! Double victory!

But that's not all of it. There then came the telephone call late one night before finals. And I mean late. Late as in Sai's-mom-would-have-a-coronary-and-murder-someone late. Late-late. You know. Late.

"Hello? Is Sai in?" Miaka murmured on the other end, sounding sleepy.

"Miaka," Sai hissed, "why are you calling so late? My mom's gonna kill me! If she doesn't calc will!"

"Oh?" Miaka yawned. "I just wanted to tell you something... really important..."

"What?" Something in him made him eager for her to continue.

"I'd kind of like it... if... um... well... you're a nice guy..."

Uh-oh. Sai could feel it coming. All of that we're-not-meant-for-eachother crap. Great. Just great. Why do girls always tell guys they turn down that they're nice guys? Does that mean girls like assholes? Sai resolved to slap potential girlfriends more often. It seemed to him that even the sweetest girls were into SM deep down. Who's your master?! Sai's your--

"Well, it's just, you're such a nice guy..."

Maybe he should just take up Purple Stalker Boy on his offer. Just need to get him to cut his hair so he won't be prettier. And heavens knows he does have taste, and taste should be rewarded.

"Y-you're such a nice guy that I'd really like to be a girlfriend."

You see? She's another one of those SM girls! What was Stalker Boy's number again -- Holy fucking shit!

"W-what?" Sai asked uncertainly.

"I'd like to be your girlfriend."

"Why, um, sure! Yes! I'd love to!" Wow, geez, don't sound so eager.

"Yipe, um, my mom wants me to get off the phone... I'll talk to you more about this tomorrow, right?"

"S-sure." Sai was bubbly. Ecstatic. Everything was going so well. "I'll, uh, talk to you tomorrow."

"'Kay! Byee!" Click.

So. Not all girls are into SM. Superb! Sai flopped back into his bed and threw his address book across the room. He wouldn't be needing that! And to think he was going to be looking up Purple Stalker Boy's number! What was his name again? Nikki? Ah, who cares!

And somehow, in all his giddiness, Sai fell asleep... calculus completely forgotten.

His dreams were lovely. Rosy. Fun filled. Love filled. In every sense of the word. Heh heh. Everything was so delightful, so dreamy -- well, duh, it IS a dream -- so very inspirationally divine...

RING RING.

Sai was jolted awake by a, you guessed it, annoying ringing noise. He hit his alarm on instinct, but that did not stop the buzzing. He groggily turned to the clock and peered at the time. 4:49? What the hell? Absently he reached for the phone and, after a few failed attempts, managed to grab it.

"Hello?" he murmured groggily, silently thanking that he did not have a video phone, because he was certain his hair looked absolutely dreadful...

"Hi? Sai?"

"Miaka!" He was suddenly jolted awake. "Good morning, why are you calling so early?"

"I've... changed my mind."

"Changed... your... mind?"

"Yes... changed my mind."

"What do you mean?"

"I don't want to be your girlfriend anymore. Let's just be friends, huh?"

"Um... o...kay..." Sai murmured, not really comprehending.

"Are you okay with that? Just being friends?"

"Um... you're breaking up with me?"

"Yeah."

POP.

That, my friends, was the sound of all of Sai's (rose colored, fun filled, love filled, delightful, dreamy, and inspirationally divine) dreams popping. And Miaka, my friends, held the needle. I'm sure that the sound of the explosion (and the following deflation of ego) caused several major earthquakes and a few tsunami. At the very least it must have woken Purple Stalker Boy, who must have surely been driven by some sort of gaysense (woman's intuition probably isn't the right word - too much of one appendage and too little of another) to sit up in bed and giggle incessantly. And blush and squeal and twirl around and tell all the stuffed animals on his shelf the good news. And maybe run next door to tell his baby sister Katie the good news too! So what if it's 5 in the morning! It's such fucking good --

Back on Sai's side of the planet, things were not going so well. He had hung up on Miaka soon after she had taken the needles to Sai's balloon of a... ego? Bundle of hopes and dreams? Some important word he learned in English but never used outside of it?

Maybe he'd have to take Purple Stalker Boy up on his implied offer. Purple Stalker Boy... yes... what was his name again? Marco? Mickey? Nikki? Katie? What the hell? Katie? "Katie" doesn't rhyme with "Nikki." Hell, Katie was his ex. Sai's ex, not Stalker Boy's. Unless Stalker Boy had a brief stint with a drag queen named Katie. But Katie isn't a very queeny name, is it? "Nikki" could be, I guess. But not "Nicky!" You just have to wonder why Stalker Boy's so picky about spelling. But, in any case! Wasn't Katie Stalker Boy's sister? Don't tell me he got to liking Sai through voyeurism?! That perv!

Sai decided maybe it'd be a good idea to stop thinking about Purple Stalker Boy. Or relationships altogether.

So he just lay in bed. And sulked.

And, in case you were wondering, Sai failed his calc final.

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Night of the Living Author's Notes: Wow. I rambled. And spazzed. Like, completely, totally, and unquestionably spazzed. Wow. If anyone can make sense out of that pile of mush I'll give them a cookie. Um. If I don't eat them all first. Cookies. Nummy. Better eat 'em all before the cow-dungy-dorms at Davis make me lose all appetite. But cow dung looks like chocolate, so I guess that could perk my appetite... a little... for chocolate... chocolate chip... cookies... ooooh... COOOOKIES! *stuffs face Cookie Monster style*


End file.
